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Helder Placido Santos – Psychologist and Somatic SexologistHelder Placido Santos – Psychologist and Somatic Sexologist
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Think feeling jealous makes you a bad partner? L Think feeling jealous makes you a bad partner? 

Let’s change that narrative right now.

Jealousy is a complex emotional response that often shows up when something we value feels threatened.

That threat may involve fear of loss, uncertainty about where you stand, comparison, insecurity, past experiences, unmet needs, broken agreements, or something actually happening in the relationship.

The feeling itself is not inherently toxic. Jealousy is information, not instruction.

It can give you useful information about what is happening within you or within your relationship. But feeling jealous does not justify controlling, monitoring, punishing, or restricting someone else.

Instead of immediately reacting with blame or turning the judgment inward, try getting curious.

Ask yourself:
What feels threatened right now?
What am I afraid of losing?
Is this about something happening in the present, or is an earlier experience shaping how I’m responding?
Do I need reassurance, more clarity, a conversation about boundaries or agreements—or something else?

The goal is not to eliminate jealousy. It is to understand what the emotion may be pointing toward, take responsibility for how you respond, and decide what conversation or action might be needed.

You don’t need to obey every emotion you feel. But you can learn to listen to what it tells you.

Are you ready to stop fighting your emotions and start understanding what they might be pointing toward? 

Send me a DM with the word "SIGNAL" or click the link in my bio to book a session. Let's explore this together. 👇

#LifeAsARelationshipsLab #RelationshipTherapy #Jealousy #EmotionalAwareness #EmotionalSafety #CouplesTherapy #HealthyRelationships  #ConsensualNonMonogamy #helderplacidosantos #yourrelationshipslab
Monogamy is a valid choice. But it is not the only Monogamy is a valid choice. But it is not the only choice.

Research shows that approximately 1 in 5 adults in the U.S. have engaged in Consensual Non-Monogamy (CNM) at some point in their lives. 

When people hear CNM, they often assume it just means open relationships. But CNM is a diverse ecosystem of relationship structures and approaches.
Swipe to see some of the differences between Polyamory, Open Relationships, Swinging, and Relationship Anarchy.

At the Lab, we know that CNM isn't just about scheduling or logistics. It is a deep emotional process: it involves navigating agreements, boundaries, jealousy, time, and changing needs with ongoing communication and emotional awareness.

Most people navigate it without a map, a vocabulary, or a safe space to ask questions. This is partly because we live in a culture built around mononormativity: the assumption that monogamy is the default, natural or preferred relationship structure. One where everything else requires justification. 

There is no perfect formula. Whether you choose monogamy or CNM, what truly matters is that your structure aligns with your values, your boundaries, and your needs at this specific point in life. Integrity matters more than ideology.

Curious about exploring a relationship structure that actually fits your life? Send me a DM with the word "EXPLORE" or click the link in my bio to book a session. 
Let's map it out together. 

#yourrelationshiplab #ConsensualNonMonogamy #Polyamory #RelationshipAnarchy #OpenRelationships #RelationshipTherapy #helderplacidosantos
You are not broken. Many of the struggles we expe You are not broken.

Many of the struggles we experience in our relationships with ourselves, our partners, our work, or even our bodies are not signs that something is wrong with us. Often, they are understandable responses to stress, overwhelm, disconnection, or experiences we were never given the tools to navigate.

That is one of the reasons I created Life as a Relationships Lab.

A space for curiosity instead of judgment. A space where psychology, embodiment, and honest reflection come together to help us understand ourselves and our relationships more deeply.

No quick fixes. No rigid formulas. Just meaningful exploration and practical tools for real life.

What brought you here? Say hi in the comments or send a DM.

#helderplacidosantos #Psychologist #RelationshipTherapist #SomaticSexology #RelationshipPsychology #Relationships #Intimacy #SelfAwareness #EmotionalWellbeing #ZurichPsychologist #LifeAsARelationshipsLab #yourrelationshipslab
You don’t have to feel compersion to be good at CN You don’t have to feel compersion to be good at CNM.

Not feeling it doesn’t automatically mean you’re insecure, that something is wrong with your relationship, or that you need to work harder on yourself.

At the same time, compersion can matter. Research has linked compersion to greater relationship satisfaction in CNM relationships and can challenge the idea that a partner’s connection with someone else must always be experienced as a threat.

And here the research draws an important distinction. What appears to be meaningful in CNM isn't necessarily the feeling of compersion itself but a compersive attitude: a genuine orientation toward your partner's wellbeing and happiness, even when the feeling isn't present. You don't have to feel joy. 
But working toward goodwill rather than resistance or resentment does seem to matter. 

Whether compersion shows up or not doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It can be influenced by how secure and comfortable you feel within yourself, by the security you feel in your relationship, by how your partner’s other connections fit into your life, and by whether you experience anything positive from them; And by whether you have access to a community where your relationships are understood and supported.

None of these things guarantees compersion.

You might feel genuinely happy for your partner. You might feel neutral. You might feel jealousy and compersion at the same time. Your experience may change depending on the relationship, the person, or the moment.

The goal is not to force yourself to feel the “right” emotion.
Maybe the more useful question is not: Why don’t I feel compersion?
But: “What might be shaping how I feel right now?”
Because compersion can be meaningful without becoming a measure of whether you’re doing CNM well.

Are you putting too much pressure on yourself to feel the "right" emotions? Send me a DM with the word "EXPLORE" 

#yourrelationshipslab #ConsensualNonMonogamy #Compersion #EthicalNonMonogamy #RelationshipTherapy #EmotionalSafety #AttachmentTheory #helderplacidosantos
When trust is broken, the pain isn't just about wh When trust is broken, the pain isn't just about what happened. It's about what it meant.

Betrayal trauma is distinct from other pain precisely because it involves someone who was supposed to be a safe haven becoming the source of threat. This is why the nervous system responds so intensely. It's not overreacting. It's doing exactly what it was designed to do.

You cannot demand forgiveness. The injured partner must feel completely free to choose whether to forgive, withhold, or simply wait without pressure and without a timeline imposed by the person who caused the harm.

True repair doesn't begin with apologies. It begins when the person who caused the pain prioritises the injured partner's experience over their own discomfort. That shift from defensiveness to genuine attunement is where healing becomes possible. 

Attunement comes before reassurance. 
Trust is rebuilt through consistent patterns, not promises.

Are you navigating this difficult process right now? Send me a DM with the word "REPAIR" and let's explore what rebuilding emotional safety could look like. 

#helderplacidosantos #yourrelationshiplab
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  • BOOK NOW
  • One Time Offer Ebook
  • Home
  • About Me
  • Appointments
    • 15min Offer Consultation
    • Relationship Coaching & Therapy
    • Somatic Sexology, Intimacy and Sexual Wellness
    • Workplace Relationship Dynamics & Well-Being
    • Relational Outdoor Coaching Labs Growth in Motion
  • Focused Programs
    • Relationship Coaching & Therapy
      • Trust & Intimacy Renewal – Rebuilding Connection, Restoring Security – 10 sessions – 50min/1h30min each
      • Effective Communication Coaching – From Misunderstandings to Meaningful Conversations – 6 sessions – 50min/1h30min each
      • Inclusive Relationships Exploration – Navigating Identity, Love & Connection with Confidence – 8 sessions – 50min/1h30min each
    • Somatic Sexology, Intimacy and Sexual Wellness
      • Trauma-Informed Intimacy Restoration – Healing Touch, Rebuilding Trust & Emotional Safety – 0sessions – 1h30min/each
      • Integrative Sexual Wellness Program – Empowerment, Arousal & Holistic Intimacy Growth – 12 sessions – 50min/90min each
      • Embodied Pleasure Reclamation – Rediscover Desire, Confidence & Body Connection -8 sessions – 50min/90min each
      • Body Mapping – Discover Your Unique Landscape of Sensation – 2h/4h sessions
      • Tantra Massage Ritual – Awaken Sensual Energy & Presence – 2h/4h sessions
    • Workplace Relationship Dynamics & Well-Being
      • The Executive Reset – Intensive Burnout Recovery & Performance Restoration – 12 sessions – 1h30min/each
      • Embodied Resilience – A Somatic Approach to Burnout Recovery & Stress Mastery – 8 sessions – 1h30min/each
      • Leadership & Emotional Mastery – Preventing Burnout While Leading With Strength – 10 sessions – 1h30min/each
    • Relational Outdoor Coaching Labs Growth in Motion
      • Flow & Connection – Embrace Change & Strengthen Emotional Intimacy – 1 session – 4h – Outdoor
      • Summit Alignment – Gain Clarity in Your Relationships & Life Direction | Full-Day – 8h – Outdoor
      • Tidal Trust – Deepen Self-Awareness & Cultivate Relational Integrity | Full-day – 8h – Outdoor
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